LOVE LETTER TO MY CHILDREN....

Dear Taylor, Samantha & Zachary....

I thought I knew love.  I thought I felt love.  Then I had YOU!!!

Each of you have my heart...not a piece of it...all of it.

There is no splitting it in 3 because that would mean I only love you a percentage.  That's not possible because the love I have for each of you is without explanation.  It is a love that HURTS, but not in a bad way.  It is a love that encompasses my whole being.

I stopped being "Michelle" the minute Taylor was born...then it just got better and better until I became the Mommy of 3 amazing, strong, loving, and unique children.

I can't promise you all that I will be perfect...because I am far from perfect.

I can't promise that I will never lose my temper and scream.

I definitely can not guarantee that chancletas will not be thrown in our house - or possibly in public.

WHAT I CAN PROMISE YOU IS THIS...

I will never ever stop loving you.

I will always respect you and your thoughts.

You will always and forever be my babies.

I will take care of you until I take my last breath...I will always be a mother FIRST!

No one...no matter how wonderful I think they are...will be good enough for you.

No matter the distance between us, I will forever and ever be available for you.  If you need me I will run to you.

I will be your biggest cheerleader, sans the cheer leading outfit and pom pom.

You will always have a roof over your head, a warm bed, food on the table and clean clothes and shoes.

I will give you what you need and you will be taught to work for the extras.

I will teach you to be respectful, humble, honest, loving, compassionate, and charitable.

I will be support you through the trials and tribulations of life...no matter how much I want to keep you sheltered from them.  For it will be these trials and tribulations that will shape you has a person, spouse, parent, friend, sibling, and my child.

AND MOST IMPORTANTLY....

YOU WILL NEVER EVER BE ALONE IN THIS WORLD!!!!

Your Mommy.

...and the BLOGGING continues!!!

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This is getting fun and I am definitely learning more and more everyday.

M

SAMI YOU INSPIRE ME!!!!

Yesterday was a great day.  

Actually any day that I wake up and get to look into the eyes of my husband and my kiddies is a FABULOUS DAY!!!  

So what made yesterday stand out?  

We had a Samantha's Purpose fundraiser at Chill-N Ice Cream.  Although I always get nervous, I love the feeling of getting just a little closer to reaching our goal.  

Like I tell my boy...slow and steady wins the race.

For me the other great part about any fundraiser is the fact that I will get to see and thank everyone that takes the time to come out and show their support.  It is a reminder that we have such great friends (new and old) that believe in our mission.  

They may feel like they are just a little part of what we do...but to us they are a HUGE part of what makes up our lives and what Samantha's Purpose is all about.  Without friends that believe in us and what we are doing success will never be reached.

So all the rain today made this a work in the office day.  The screensaver turned on and there they were the old pictures of the kids....cue "CRYING"!!!

As I scrolled through them the video that my sister created for Samantha's third birthday came up....cue "BALLING"!!!!  

This video brings forward emotions I have learned to suppress in order to function.  It didn't matter, I had to watch it; and I actually watched it till the end.  

Everything always happens for a reason.  I needed to watch that video.  I needed to see it because it reignites in me the fact that G-d answered our prayers by giving Samantha to our family.  She has been a blessing to us as parents but even more to her brothers.  

Samantha's journey and struggles has taught us to look at life so differently.  We look at life in a way that can't be explained.  Samantha's disability and everything that has come with it just turned a switch and it was all of a sudden an "OH SHIT" moment.    

I believe that Sami's story and journey has a PURPOSE.  She is not just here to help us raise Cerebral Palsy awareness and raising money to help other children.

She is here to share her story and since she can't talk I HAVE TO SHARE her story WITH ANYONE THAT WILL LISTEN.  I have to share with them the challenges she has faced over the last 8 1/2 years.  I feel like her story will help others find a new appreciation for the things we all take for granted (me included)...

The ability to speak - to take the thoughts in our head and vocalize them.  

The ability to walk - to stand up and go in the kitchen to get a drink when we are thirsty.

The new found love for the sound of their child's voice as they go on and on about their day at school.  The sound of their whining...believe it or not!!! 

No matter the frustration or feelings of throwing in the towel...I will continue on.  

I will just continue to remind myself that this is his plan and it will all come together in "his time".

So...I thank you my friends for listening to me, supporting us and believing in us.  

SO WHY AM I BLOGGING....

It only seemed appropriate that my first post on my blog tell you WHY...what would be my inspiration to start a blog?  There really is no inspiration.  I just love to write and figured why not share some of my journey, experiences, and lessons learned with whoever is willing to listen.

I have started a blog twice before and it just was not the right time.  Then I started a magazine with a friend and that adventure just did not turn out as anticipated.

My journey has been a long one full of many highs and lows...starting back in my early 20's.  However, as I look back and think about it I could not change a situation or a person that was part of that.  Without all of the situations and people (good and bad), I would not be HERE!!!   

HERE is a place of clarity, happiness and acceptance.  HERE is where I decided sometime ago that I had to just "LET GO AND LET GOD".  I know so cliche...but it works for me.  

I will be blogging about just about anything.  Nothing will be off limits - however names might be changed to protect the idiots...sorry that is my silly humor. 

I will never claim to be an expert on anything, unless it is changing diapers...THAT I AM AN EXPERT ON!!!  I have been changing diapers non-stop since 2004 and I am not seeing the light at the end of that tunnel.  

Oh wait, I am also an expert on ELMO and his strange little friends, Mr. Noodle, his brother Mr. Noodle and their sister Miss Noodle.  Oh...how can I forget Dorothy his goldfish.  Seriously who thinks of this stuff.  Why couldn't I come up with ELMO?

Special Needs has become something I know a little bit about, not voluntarily.  I spent the greater part of my daughter's life pissed off and asking why.  So...I decided who cares if she has Cerebral Palsy.  I stopped feeling sorry for myself and stopped crying about her diagnosis.  I took my energy and decided to use it to spread Cerebral Palsy Awareness and to promote that my daughter has a purpose in life....Samantha's Purpose.

Of all the lessons I have learned in my life...and there is a long list of them...when people are talking bad about you just say to yourself "Wow, I have myself a Fan Club."  Remember this....GREAT PEOPLE talk about ideas, AVERAGE PEOPLE talk about things, SMALL PEOPLE talk about other people.  

Point. Period. The End.

P.S.  Can you use a P.S. in a blog??  This is going to be so much fun for ME!!!